I'm gonna have to check my schedule...

Thursday, November 4, 2010

I find that a lot of my time is spent in “La La Land” nowadays. Don’t get me wrong… the housing market is incredible and the climate is to die for, but sometimes I would like to vacation in reality every so often. While not as fun by any stretch of the imagination I get the feeling it might be more productive.

I mean… I have so much to do! Choose a career, get an education, graduate, get financially stable, get insurance for everything from my life to my car, get a house, actually buy a car, pay my bills, and on and on and on. Wow… “La La Land” sounds a bit more enticing now doesn’t it?

I think the question I ask myself most often when taking a break from daydreaming is, “when the hell did I become an adult”? I never asked to grow older and take on more responsibility yet here it is… staring me in the face. Adulthood. Something’s gotta give, or either I’m gonna go totally bonkers and take up permanent residence in “La La Land” or all that I am and all the child in me is gonna be forced into hard career-oriented labor. What’s the secret? How do you adults do it? Is there a phrase or diet or a certain shampoo that you use?

Ahh… I’m drifting off again. Well I’ll let you know how everything is when I get back, It was good writing at you. See you cats on the flip flop later.

So... its been like what.... a year?

Thursday, October 28, 2010

So its almost been a year since I last blogged and since I haven't blogged in such a long time I decided to post an old essay I wrote for one of my English classes that i recently found. Which is kinda like cheating but not really. So here it goes...


Music has affected me more than any other form artistic expression, and more than any other form of expression. It's been a friend, an outlet, an escape, a peacekeeper, a distraction, an aggressor, a catalyst, an anti-depressant, an answer, a riddle. Music has changed me and still does, with every song that I relate to, every riff that my heart recognizes as a beat from a similar heart, every lyric I feel as if I wrote it myself or someone dug the words out of my soul.


The first time I really took up an interest in music was when I was still in the stage of trying to be just like my older brother. He was into rap and having a bumpin' system, which I learned later on was not my kind of music. But he seemed to love it so much, for its beats and bass, that I had to see what made it so exciting. I listened to all types of music and found my favorites and the ones that I didn't connect with, and through it all I finally found my genre, rock.


It's message was always the same... party hard, stick it to the man, don't take shit from anyone. And it gave its message with force unlike any other, with hard hitting riffs, hard hitting lyrics, smoking solos, and intense vocals, with the rock star image, thrashed hotels and sold out shows. And who could resist a picture so full of raw energy? How it appeals to our baser nature, the side of our personalities that wish we could get away with whatever we wanted, get whatever we want, and do whatever we want and having no one to tell us different. It frees us for a moment and allows us to live wild without inhibition.


I was first introduced when a friend of mine started letting me listened to some of his music. A big rock fan himself he opened the door for me and inside was a whole new perception on life. It totally and completely changed how I looked at the world and I heard it's message with exceptional clarity. I started resisting authority, and started living for the thrill of life on the edge, I started smoking marijuana, I stayed out late, I lied, I drank, I swore, I didn't go to school, I lived as much of the rocker life as I could on a small budget and a 11 o'clock curfew. And then my friends started getting busted, things at home got rough, all my time was spent thinking of the next high, the next party, the next drink. I became numb, empty and emotionless, lost, incomplete, like a part of me had left or I had left it behind. And it took me a while to realize what was happening to me. I still don't think that I've fully recovered from it but I did see what I had been missing before.


It's just under the surface, at least that's how I think of it. Underneath the rock star life, underneath the screw-you-attitude, behind the mask and the facade of toughness, there was just someone trying to find something real, something true and beautiful. I think that's why their music is so appealing, because tragedy is so attractive to the human mind. To feel through the numbness... its a high. Life is an essence, one that each of us is just trying to understand, to explain. But there are lifelines... maybe not to the big picture but to an understanding that you'll never fully understand. What I was missing, what I had overlooked in all of this, is that I am alive and being alive is beautiful. I don't have to search for answers or for some sort of revelation, because I am ALIVE. A simple truth... but one that is so hard to comprehend. Even knowing what I know now I still find myself searching for something... And the only salve I've found that eases my mind is a good song, a hard-hitting riff, and the thought that even in the darkest places of my life I can always remember the words...


"And as we wind on down the road,
Our shadows taller than our soul,
There walks a lady we all know.
Who shines white light and wants to show
How everything still turns to gold.
And if you listen very hard the tune will come to you at last.
When all are one and one is all, to be a rock and not to roll.

And she's buying a stairway to heaven."